Google Translate for Runners: 2nd Edition

Runners will be pleased to learn that Google Translate has expanded its list of expressions for 2015. Below are the newest additions to “Google Translate for Runners”—a guide to common phrases used by distance runners, and the true meanings behind those expressions. 

“I don’t sweat as much in the winter.”
Translation: “I haven’t washed this half-zip in two weeks.”

“I like running in the cold.”
Translation: “I hate running on cold days less than I hate running on hot days.”

“It’s never too cold to run.”
Translation: “Except this Wednesday. Did you see how cold it’s supposed to be this Wednesday?”

“I’m running a marathon in April.”
Translation: “I haven’t signed up yet.” 

“I’m running the 5K this weekend. What about you?”
Translation: “I haven’t signed up yet.”

“You joined a gym? That’s great!”
Translation: “Please say you didn’t join my gym.”

“Hey, that’s the gym I belong to!”
Translation: “If I catch you on my treadmill, I will terminate our friendship by pulling the emergency stop cord when you least expect it.”

“Yeah, I don’t do New Year’s resolutions.”
Translation: “This year, I am going to PR the 5K, half marathon, and marathon. I’m also going to run higher mileage. And do speed workouts. And focus on recovery. And eat better. And cross-train. And do yoga.”

“Well, it was my first run of the day, so I took it easy.”
Translation: Notice the word ‘first.’ Sometimes I run twice a day. Are you impressed? I am. 

“What? Oh, yeah. I’m throwing in some two-a-days now.”
Translation: “I’m no longer taking the number of showers good hygiene requires. I’m also wearing dirty socks.” 

“How do I stay motivated? Love of the sport. Determination. Passion.”
Translation: “A $120 registration fee.” 

“You started running? Awesome! Don’t worry. It gets easier.”
Translation: “It never gets easier.” 

“Running is fun!”
Translation: “At least, I think it is. Maybe. Sometimes. I’m not sure. I’ve had some pretty awful runs. And races. Like that one race. I was so sick. And dehydrated. It was hilly. And hot. I cramped so badly I had to walk. I’m pretty sure I sat down and cried at one point. I’m sorry… what was the question?” 

“You’ll love running!”
Translation: “You’ll love being done running!”

“Sorry if I’m holding up the pace. My stomach is a little crampy.”
Translation: “I’m two seconds away from explosive diarrhea.”

“You guys keep going. I’m going to catch my breath.”
Translation: “If you ‘courtesy loop’ me, I’ll kick you in the shins.”

“I’m going to start doing hill workouts.”
Translation: “I’ve been using the future tense for two months now.”

“Ugh. I didn’t fuel properly for this run.”
Translation: “I had cookie dough for dinner last night.”

“I’m going to cut back on sugar. I don’t want a bad diet to sabotage my training.”
Translation: “Eh… I’ll start tomorrow.”

“I know! I totally need to start stretching more.”
Translation: “Eh… I’ll start tomorrow.”

“Running isn’t bad for you. I run all the time, and I feel great.”
Translation: “Sometimes my IT band acts up. It feels like someone is driving an ice pick through my knee. And my piriformis gets really tight. So do my hamstrings. And my hips. But it only bothers me when I sit. Or stand. Or walk. Or stop at an intersection and try to start running again. Actually, I can hardly move.”

“Oh, you like Strawberry Banana GU? That was my favorite flavor!”
Translation: “Until I threw it all up at mile twenty-three.”

“Yeah, I like a lightweight shoe.”
Translation: “Because I’m sooooo fast.”

“Yeah, we should run together more often!”
Translation: “You breathe weird and I don’t care about your high school records and you drank all my water and we are never running together again.”

“Oh, my gosh. Did you see that guy pushing the triple-wide stroller while he was running? So inspirational!”
Translation: “There is nothing worse on this green earth than being passed by a guy pushing a triple-wide stroller.”

“The running community is so supportive.”
Translation: “The running community excludes everyone in my age group.” 

“I love running because it’s just me and the road. When I’m out there, I can just be who I am, without any pressure or pretense.”
Translation: “I suck in my stomach and run faster when a car goes by.” 

“Running makes me feel strong and fit and powerful. Running makes me feel like I can conquer the world.”
Translation: “Ninety-nine percent of the time, I feel like a can of biscuit dough.”

“I always wear reflective gear and blinking lights when I run in the dark. Visibility is non-negotiable.”
Translation: “I accidentally wore all black this morning, but I ran with someone who wore reflective gear and blinking lights.”

“When it gets really cold, I wear a balaclava.”
Translation: “I look like a terrorist, and I’m cool with smearing snot all over my face.

“There is nothing like the feeling of accomplishment after a run.”
Translation: “Because let’s face it: it’s hard to accomplish stuff. Especially if you have kids.” 

“I listen to NPR while I run.”
Translation: “I listen to Katy Perry while I run.” 

“I like running early in the morning before the sun comes up. It’s so peaceful.”
Translation: “It’s pitch black and it’s terrifying.”

“Can you believe marathon training officially starts today?”
Translation: “Eh… I’ll start tomorrow.”

Amy L. Marxkors is the author of The Lola Papers: Marathons, Misadventures, and How I Became a Serious Runner and Powered By Hope: The Teri Griege Story.  Click here to receive Amy's weekly article via email.